


The 'End the Pining' Project

by MessOfContradictions



Category: Ever After High, Ever After High Series - Shannon Hale
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Humor, Group chat, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28876539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MessOfContradictions/pseuds/MessOfContradictions
Summary: Apple has a brilliant plan to help Cupid and Blondie get together. She's sure it will work and end their mutual pining permanently. The only issue? It relies entirely on a group-chat of chaotic gay girls. More chapters to come!
Relationships: Briar Beauty/Faybelle Thorn, C.A. Cupid/Blondie Lockes, Darling Charming/Apple White, Kitty Cheshire/Lizzie Hearts
Comments: 12
Kudos: 59





	1. Chapter 1

AppleWhite: Apple White

RavingQueer: Raven Queen

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: Maddie Hatter

BriarBooty: Briar Beauty

TheRealPrinceCharming: Darling Charming

QueenOfUrHearts: Lizzie Hearts

WhatsNewPussycat: Kitty Chesire

WickedBitchOfTheEast: Faybelle Thorn

YesItsMyNaturalHairColor: Blondie Lockes

CanYouSeeMyHalo: C.A. Cupid

**[Sunday, 9:30 pm]**

**[AppleWhite added RavingQueer, BicuriouserAndBicuriouser, BriarBooty, TheRealPrinceCharming, QueenOfUrHearts, and WhatsNewPussycat to the chat]**

**[AppleWhite named the chat ‘End the Pining Project’]**

AppleWhite: Hey Ladies! So Blondie’s been totally losing her shit all week about asking Cupid to the dance, and I’ve assembled the perfect plan, but I need a crew to help me pull it off. So I thought, who better to help two pining gays get together than all of the other gay girls at school?? Are you guys down to help?

TheRealPrinceCharming: 100% down, whats the plan?

RavingQueer: dude i’m so in

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: do we have everyone?? i feel like there are more rainbow friends at school

RavingQueer: well cerise is a lesbian but she doesn’t like group chats. 

WhatsNewPussycat: she sends me memes everyday in science and sorcery but go off i guess

RavingQueer: and cedar’s pan, ya know, obviously, cause she’s dating cerise, but somehow i feel like her involvement in a secret plan would be more of a hindrance than a help. 

AppleWhite: Of course we will not add anyone who does not want to be here. 

BriarBooty: you forgot faybelle

**[BriarBooty added WickedBitchOfTheEast to the chat]**

RavingQueer: aww come on briar why would you do that

RavingQueer: you know she’s just gonna try to ruin the plan

WickedBitchOfTheEast: i’m insulted at the thought

WickedBitchOFTheEast: ...what plan am I ruining?

WhatsNewPussycat: you know briar just wants to get a piece of that sweet bad fairy ass

BriarBooty: kitty shut up

TheRealPrinceCharming: ….is she wrong tho

BriarBooty: DARLING! this is betrayal of the worst kind. :(

AppleWhite: Okay we’re taking a short break now before Briar tries to stab someone with a stiletto. I’ll explain the plan soon.

WickedBitchOfTheEast: to be fair, I do have a really nice ass

**[Sunday, 9:47 pm]**

QueenOfUrHearts: Just got back from croquet practice, can someone please explain what I’m doing here with you gays?

BriarBooty: Liz, you’re literally the biggest bisexual to ever grace the halls of EAH

QueenOfUrHearts: False. I am attracted to one thing and one thing only. Power.

BriarBooty: and kitty cheshire’s thicc ass 

WhatsNewPussycat: Hell yeah she is!

BriarBooty: man you have no shame

BriarBooty: i was trying to embarrass you back

WickedBitchOfTheEast: ooh briar you were embarrassed...do you have a crush on me or something??

QueenOfUrHearts: Why do I put up with any of you?

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: because you lovvveeee us

QueenOfUrHearts: I love YOU, Maddie. I have a strong indifference toward everyone else. 

WhatsNewPussycat: babe, we’re literally dating

QueenOfUrHearts: That’s an irrelevant fact. Now go do that Science and Sorcery homework that you’re procrastinating. 

WhatsNewPussycat: i cant

QueenOfUrHearts: What’s your excuse this time?

WhatsNewPussycat: i dont wanna

**[Sunday, 10:13 pm]**

WhatsNewPussycat: okay lizzie threw her pillow at me and told me to work so does anybody know how to do the hw for professor rumple-foreskin’s class tomorrow?

BriarBooty: i was asleep when he explained it 

TheRealPrinceCharming: wish I could help, but I just copied Dexter’s, didn’t even look at the words I was writing down.

RavingQueer: yeah Dex helped me with it too

RavingQueer: nerdy boyfriend perks lmao

WickedBitchOfTheEast: i’m strongly considering writing ‘fuck if i know’ for every question

GayestOfThemAll: Why don’t you guys ever hocus-focus in class?

BriarBooty: apple, don’t you think we’ve got better things to do in Science and Sorcery than listen to professor rumple-foreskin? 

GayestOfThemAll: I wish you wouldn't call him that.

WickedBitchOfTheEast: well farrahs not here, so sucks to suck

RavingQueer: what’s with the new @ ?

GayestOfThemAll: My lovely girlfriend changed it and I can’t figure out how to switch it back.

TheRealPrinceCharming: :)

WhatsNewPussycat: keep this one, the old one was boring

GayestOfThemAll: It was just my name.

WhatsNewPussycat: exactly

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: kitty, be nice. Apple has a great name. In fact, apples are my third favorite fruit to make jam out of!

GayestOfThemAll: Thank you?

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: you’re welcome!

WhatsNewPussycat: darling can you send pics ???

TheRealPrinceCharming: are you asking me for nudes?

WhatsNewPussycat: you know i meant the homework dumbass

BriarBooty: yeah you know those pics are only for apple ;)

QueenOfUrHearts: Kitty, when I told you to work I did not mean that I wanted you to cheat off of Darling.

WhatsNewPussycat: if we’re being technical, I’m cheating off of Dexter

QueenOfUrHearts: I did not mean that I wanted for you to cheat off of anyone. 

TheRealPrinceCharming: lol get your own nerdy twin brother to copy off

WhatsNewPussycat: bitch

TheRealPrinceCharming: hey you do not get the advantages of being related to Dex without having to live with him for 17 years

WhatsNewPussycat: finnnneeeee I’ll just sneak into prof’s office and find the answer key

QueenOfUrHearts: KITTY!

WhatsNewPussycat: can’t hear you, already gone

QueenOfUrHearts: siiigggghhhhhh

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: aww they’re in love

QueenOfUrHearts: Yes, yes we are.

WhatsNewPussycat: yes, yes we are

WhatsNewPussycat: jinx!

**[Sunday, 10:42 pm]**

WickedBitchOfTheEast: so are we ever going to hear about this plan or am I just going to have to ruin everything you do for the next week and hope that it’s the plan?

GayestOfThemAll: We can go over it now. 

GayestOfThemAll: Okay, is everyone paying attention?

BriarBooty: yeah

TheRealPrinceCharming: Partially.

QueenOfUrHearts: Yes. (Kitty can I talk now?)

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: yep yep yep! 

WhatsNewPussycat: not at all (yeah you’re good)

RavingQueer: uh-huh

WickedBitchOfTheEast: maybe

GayestOfThemAll: So we all know that Blondie has been crown over heels for Cupid for the past like four months right?

BriarBooty: it’s so obvious

RavingQueer: i think cupid’s the only one who hasn’t noticed lmao

TheRealPrinceCharming: they literally live together so idk how she’s managed to be so oblivious 

WhatsNewPussycat: oh faybelle i have the answers now if you need them

WickedBitchOfTheEast: dm me on MyChapter, don’t text me

WickedBitchOfTheEast: fucking milton is always making excuses to take my mirrorphone and read my texts, dont wanna leave receipts 

BriarBooty: navigating around our schools authoritarian leadership LATER, love NOW. Apple, continue regaling us with your genius plan

GayestOfThemAll: Okay SO! 

GayestOfThemAll: Actually this is going to take me some time to type out. Give me a moment. 

RavingQueer: wow you didnt have it all typed out in the notes app?

TheRealPrinceCharming: you didnt already run it through the fairy god-grammarchecker? 

BriarBooty: who are you and what have you done with Apple White? 

GayestOfThemAll: I was busy this afternoon okay, I didn’t have time to draft the plan in writing. I’m working in the Notes App right now. 

WhatsNewPussycat: did ur 17 extracurriculars finally catch up with you? 

WickedBitchOfTheEast: maybe she misread her color-coded multi-tabbed calendar 

QueenOfUrHearts: Apple, does your calendar fly? I’ve been looking for a flying calendar, but I haven’t been able to find a good model yet in Ever After. 

GayestOfThemAll: Er, no, my calendar does not fly. 

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: then how does it find you to yell at you when you’re about to miss an appointment? 

GayestOfThemAll: It...doesn't? 

QueenOfUrHearts: Things work so strangely here. 

WhatsNewPussycat: if you want i could follow you around and scream your appointments at you 

QueenOfUrHearts: That would be incredibly helpful actually. 

WhatsNewPussycat: send me ur schedule, ill start memorizing 2nite

BriarBooty: guys SHUT UP and let Apple be brilliant 

GayestOfThemAll: Thank you, Briar. 

GayestOfThemAll: So Blondie and Cupid are planning to record a Mirrorcast relationship advice segment together this Saturday to promote the second annual True Heart’s Day Dance. 

WickedBitchOfTheEast: two girls who cant realize they’re in love with each other are gonna give other people relationship advice for true hearts day? 

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: oh remember last true hearts day?? that was such a tea-riffic time! 

BriarBooty: yeah it was! i got to throw a pie at Hopper and then throw the most page-ripping party ever !

QueenOfUrHearts: I still have all of those heart flowers in a vase. 

WhatsNewPussycat: minus one

QueenOfUrHearts: Yes, minus the one which was originally mine, which I gave to Kitty. 

TheRealPrinceCharming: aw that’s really cute

WhatsNewPussycat: i keep it in the one place i know i’ll never lose it. under maddie’s hat

TheRealPrinceCharming: that’s a little weird, but still cute i guess

BriarBooty: wait! we got distracted again! APPLE CONTINUE!

GayestOfThemAll: In a nutshell, my plan is to record clips of Blondie and Cupid pining over each other, sneak them into the series of question clips for the show, and then they’ll both hear the other’s confession live on air. How romantic is that? 

RavingQueer: romantic, with complete disregard for other people’s privacy. classic Apple White

BriarBooty: oh blondie will love it. it’ll make a sensationalist story, everyone would watch it.

WickedBitchOfTheEast: Blondie would read her own diary on the mirrorcast if she thought it would get people to tune in. i doubt privacy is really a concern of hers. 

GayestOfThemAll: We’ll need to split up into three teams; one team in charge of recording Blondie, one team in charge of recording Cupid, and one team in charge of sneaking the clips into the Mirrorcast recordings. Does anyone have a team they want to be on?

TheRealPrinceCharming: i can head up the hacking team, i know all of Dex’s passwords

The RealPrinceCharming: plus, if someone catches us in the studio, I can fight them off to allow the others to escape

GayestOfThemAll: Let’s hope that won’t be necessary. I’ll go with you, Darling. Not to brag, but I’m pretty hex-cellent with computers. 

WhatsNewPussycat: try not to get ~distracted~ you two

QueenOfUrHearts: Kitty, Maddie, and I can talk to Blondie and get her on recording. I think she’d be more likely to talk to us than one of her closer friends like Apple or Briar. 

RavingQueer: what makes you say that?

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: Lizzie has a good point! You Ever Afters already see us Wonderlandians as so wonder-iffically weird, you’re less scared about being your true selves in front of us. It makes you all so very fun to talk to! 

WhatsNewPussycat: plus, idk if you’ve noticed, but Blondie is terrified of her friends rejecting her or not approving of her behavior. she wouldn’t want them to know she’s struggling with something, cause she’s always sure that anything she does that’s not ‘just right’ will get her kicked out of the group 

RavingQueer: that’s...really profound, Kitty

WhatsNewPussycat: what can i say? im a people person

WickedBitchOfTheEast: of course she knows what makes people tick. the best pranks are the ones that get at people’s psyches, really specific to the person you’re pranking. 

WhatsNewPussycat: that would also be a part of it 

BriarBooty: so that leaves me, raven, and faybelle to get a recording of cupid 

RavingQueer: oh that’s the dream team right there

BriarBooty: I give us a 75% chance of all dying. 

WickedBitchOfTheEast: I like those odds! 


	2. Chapter 2

**[Sunday, 11:00 pm]**

**[QueenOfUrHearts added WhatsNewPussycat and BicuriouserAndBicuriouser to the chat]**

QueenOfUrHearts: As the future Queen of Wonderland, I hereby declare myself the leader of this group. 

WhatsNewPussycat: what if I wanted to be the leader?

QueenOfUrHearts: You didn’t. You hate responsibility. 

WhatsNewPussycat: that’s true. carry on. 

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: so whats our brilliant plan to get blondie to spill the beans about her feelings for cupid?

WhatsNewPussycat: do you have any teas with truth serum in them?

QueenOfUrHearts: Kitty! We do not drug our friends! 

WhatsNewPussycat: not even for love?

QueenOfUrHearts: No, not even for love. 

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: how about we just talk to her? 

QueenOfUrHearts: Seems a little bit simple…

WhatsNewPussycat: but aren’t you the one who said that simple can be elegant if done correctly?

QueenOfUrHearts: I did say that. And I’m always correct.

QueenOfUrHearts: As the leader of the group I hereby declare that tomorrow we shall talk to Blondie Lockes! 

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: excellent declaring lizzie

QueenOfUrHearts: Thank you. Now both of you go to bed so that you’ll be properly rested for our conversation tomorrow. 

WhatsNewPussycat: i can’t go to bed without my cuddles

QueenOfUrHearts: I’m across the room from you. You can walk over here.

WhatsNewPussycat: but i’m soooooo comfortable right here in my bed

QueenOfUrHearts: You’re incorrigible. 

WhatsNewPussycat: does that mean i’m getting cuddles and a goodnight forehead kiss?

QueenOfUrHearts: Cuddles, yes. But you’ll have to negotiate for the kiss. 

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: can I have a forehead kiss too?

QueenOfUrHearts: Of course, Maddie.

WhatsNewPussycat: stop trying to steal my girlfriend 

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser:  *our girlfriend 

WhatsNewPussycat: fucking communism 

**[Monday, 8:15 am]**

QueenOfUrHearts: Is everyone well-rested and prepared for our quest? 

WhatsNewPussycat: no 

WhatsNewPussycat: because you woke me up

QueenOfUrHearts: Do you want to have breakfast or not?

WhatsNewPussycat: i do want breakfast but you didn’t have to yell in my face

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: you have to admit that she’s very good at yelling 

WhatsNewPussycat: i prefer to appreciate her talents from a distance

QueenOfUrHearts: Less texting, more breakfasting!

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: i’m already in the castleteria eating with raven and cedar

QueenOfUrHearts: Excellent work, Maddie. We should all have a good meal before we go to Grimmnastics. Then after class we shall entrap our prey to extract her innermost emotions! 

WhatsNewPussycat: maybe don’t phrase it that way 

**[Monday, 11:15 am]**

QueenOfUrHeart: Quarry spotted, heading due northeast from the gym.

WhatsNewPussycat: huh?

QueenOfUrHearts: Ugh! She’s walking through the Kingdom Management corridor. 

QueenOfUrHearts: Prepare to make contact! 

**[Monday, 11:17 am]**

Lizzie ducked out from her hiding spot behind the King Charming statue, just as Blondie was passing by. 

“Good morning, Blondie! I hope your day has been progressing well,” she chirped, working very hard to keep her voice casual. 

“Oh, uh, good morning, Lizzie,” said Blondie, looking confused, but pleased nonetheless, “What were you doing behind that statue?”

“Waiting for you,” Lizzie answered confidently, before realizing that that didn’t sound casual at all. At least, not by Ever After standards. Blondie frowned. “I mean! I was just thinking...it might be uh, nice for us to...have lunch together. You know, like friends do. Because we’re friends,” she said, scanning the hallway surreptitiously for any sign of the so-called friends who were supposed to be helping her. A soft giggle came from beside her. Lizzie sighed. Giggling from an invisible source was always a sure sign that there was a Cheshire about, which meant that Kitty had witnessed her embarrassing moment of word fumbling. 

“Heyyyy Blondie,” Kitty purred, as she glittered her way into existence, “Not planning a lunch date without me, were you darling?” she asked Lizzie, grinning mischievously. 

“Of course not,” said Lizzie, through gritted teeth. Once this was over, she would be having a strong word with Kitty about how it was improper to tease when a mission for love was at stake. Although, she wasn’t quite sure how many times something like this could possibly come up. If people were just reasonable and said what they wanted, like her Mother had always done...but she was getting off track. 

“Lizzie--” Kitty began to say something.

“Not now Kitty,” she hissed, trying to keep her smile warm and inviting, the way the White Queen had taught them in Princessology. Admittedly, warm and inviting were not her strong suits. 

“I was just wondering if you’d seen Maddie lately,” Kitty asked innocently, while glancing deliberately up at the ceiling. There, her head poking out from behind a ceiling tile, was Madeline Hatter herself. When Lizzie gaped up at her, she gave an enthusiastic wave. Luckily, Blondie hadn’t noticed Kitty’s obvious signal, she was engrossed by a new notification on her mirrorpad. 

“I am sure that Maddie will JOIN US IN THE CASTLETERIA,” Lizzie said loudly and deliberately, attempting to tell Maddie to stay put and not come down. Having someone repel down from the ceiling would certainly give away the nature of their mission. 

“Why would I do that when I can just meet you right here?” asked Maddie, jumping down from her hiding spot, and staggering to keep her balance, “Hi Blondie!” she added, waving largely, even though the other girl was mere feet away.

“Uhhh, hi Maddie,” said Blondie. She opened her mouth as if to say something else, but decided against it. Apparently, Maddie’s general perceived weirdness was enough to override the weirdness of waiting in an air vent for your friends to pass by.

“Won’t you join us in the Castleteria, Blondie?” Lizzie said, endeavoring to keep her voice level, as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening. ‘I’ve been wanting to hear about your, uh, opinion on, uh, who Daring should end up with.” She smacked herself mentally in the forehead. It had been the first thing that came to her head, but she’d just doomed them all to listen to Blondie tell tall tales all through lunch. 

“Oh, alright,” said Blondie, grinning, clearly excited that someone was actually interested in what she had to say, “it’s a hotly contested subject matter you know. Obviously, he had that whole thing with Rosabella during our epic winter adventure, but some people think he had much more romantic tension with Cerise during Thronecoming--” Blondie continued to babble on all about Daring Charming’s romantic exploits as they made their way down the hall. Lizzie tried to nod and gasp at all the right times, but conversation was another one of her weak points. She was accustomed to yelling and having everyone listen to her, no polite exchange required. Maddie skipped along behind them, and Kitty kept vanishing, only to reappear a few feet in front of them, and vanish again when they reached her. Lizzie really hoped that the power of love would see this plan through to fruition. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me trying to write a group-centric story and then making it all about Lizzie


	3. Chapter 3

**[Monday, 11:20 am]**

**YesItsMyNaturalHairColor > GayestOfThemAll**

YesItsMyNaturalHairColor: I won’t be at lunch today.

YesItsMyNaturalHairColor: Lizzie invited me to eat with her and her friends. 

GayestOfThemAll: OH yes go do that! 

GayestOfThemAll: Not that I’m trying to get rid of you! Or anything! 

GayestOfThemAll: I just think we all should, you know, as future rulers, form strong and diverse friendships while in school. Which you are doing. By eating lunch with Lizzie. 

YesItsMyNaturalHairColor: ...okay then. 

GayestOfThemAll: Have fun at lunch! 

YesItsMyNaturalHairColor: You too, I guess? 

**[Monday, 11:23 am]**

Blondie finally put her mirrorphone back into her purse and looked up across the table at Lizzie. “Sorry about that,” she said “Apple’s just being weird.” 

“She’s probably just, uh,” Lizzie scrambled for any reason Apple would be acting strange which wasn’t attempted matchmaking, “worried about the True Hearts Day party. You know how she is.” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Blondie nodded, picking up her spoon and starting to tuck into her porridge, “Do you think she’s having relationship issues with Darling?” she asked enthusiastically, the delight of hypothetical drama apparently outweighing any concern for her friends feelings. 

“Maybe you should investigate that. Do a little digging,” purred Kitty, clearly trying to stir up trouble.

“Oh, don’t be such a curious kitty, Kitty,” said Maddie brightly, “Here, have a cup of tea.” 

Maddie reached into her hat, brought out one of her brightly patterned teacups, and slid it across the table towards Kitty, who managed to catch it before it fell off the table. Kitty took a few sips of the aromatic blend, and then spoke again. “Speaking of relationships, do you have a date for the True Heart’s Day dance yet, Blondie?” she asked slyly. 

“Oh, well, no I don’t,” said Blondie gently. 

Sensing that the conversation was steering it’s way towards important information, Lizzie deliberately knocked her spoon off the table, so she could bend down and pick it up. As she did so, she unlocked her Mirrorphone and pressed record. 

“Is there anybody you want to ask?” Kitty prodded, stirring her tea with a clawed finger and doing her best to look innocent ( _It was a wasted effort. Kitty had never looked innocent in her life_ , thought Lizzie. _She had probably come out of the womb scheming.)_

“Well…” Blondie glanced around the Castleteria, to ensure that no one was listening to them. Lizzie couldn’t help but appreciate the irony of Blondie Lockes trying to avoid eavesdroppers, a role that she held so often. She must have decided that the area was safe, however, because she continued speaking. “You can’t tell anyone this but...I think I’d like to ask Cupid.”

Kitty, Lizzie, and Maddie all exchanged triumphant looks. Maddie pumped her fist in excitement, nearly knocking her lunch tray off the table. Luckily, Blondie seemed too enraptured by her love troubles to notice.

“I really like her...more than I’ve ever liked a boy.” Blondie mumbled, knocking her spoon against the side of her bowl of porridge. “But I don’t know if she’s even...I mean she had a crush on Dexter for forever after. But I mean, you like boys and girls both, right Lizzie?” she asked, gazing desperately into Lizzie’s eyes, looking for confirmation. 

“Yes.” answered Lizzie delicately. She didn’t know how much her own bisexuality counted, given that everyone from Wonderland was queer, and genrally thought of as queer in the derogory sense by the citizens of Ever After. However, given that she wanted to encourage Blondie’s feelings as much as possible, she decided that now was not the best time for that conversation. 

“Even if she does like girls, I doubt she’d ever be interested in me.” Blondie dejectedly let her porridge drip off her spoon back into the bowl. 

Lizzie and Maddie exchanged a commiserating look. Kitty was grinning, clearly delighted to have knowledge that the greatest gossip at school did not. 

“There’s no need to be such a gloomy gus, now Blondie,” chirped Maddie, “True Heart’s Day is coming up! Romance is in the air! I know that for a fact, because I’ve been sneezing like crazy lately. I’m sure that everything will work out just tea-rrifically! Would you like a cup?” she asked, pulling another teacup out of her hat. 

“Thanks, Maddie,” said Blondie, taking the cup in her hands and taking a slow sip. 

Content with the amount of dialogue that they’d recorded, Lizzie turned her phone back off. “I think you should ask her, Blondie,” she said. “Nothing can come of a situation if you don’t make your feelings clear.” She looked over and smiled and Kitty, reminiscing on their own romance. Kitty grinned back, in that softer, more genuine way that she reserved only for Lizzie. 

“We’ll see.” said Blondie, continuing to sip her tea. “Thanks for the advice.” She paused. “It’s just--I’m not trying to be mean of anything, it’s a lot easier for you guys than it is for me. The whole gay thing. People expect weirdness--not that it’s weird to be gay or anything! But people here tend to think it is--from you guys. And it’s not even like it was for Apple and Darling cause like, everyone loves Apple. They always have. People...tolerate me,” she muttered, voice full of bitterness. “They’re not going to be nearly as nice about it. To my face at least. I hear what people say about Apple behind her back, and she’s like the most beloved princess ever. Imagine the things that they’ll say to me if I come out.” 

Lizzie wasn’t quite sure what to say about that, so she went with her gut. “If anyone even tries to say anything bad about you, Blondie, it will be off with their heads. Immediately.”

“I’ll help!” Kitty added. “I’ve always wanted to have an axe.”

“I am not giving you an axe. I have executioners for these things.”

“You’re no fun at all. How come I don’t get to decapitate people in defense of Blondie’s honor?”

“Because I don’t trust you to stop once you start.”

“That’s...probably fair.” 

Blondie laughed. “I don’t think any decaptition will be necessary, but I appreciate the offer.” At that moment, the school bell rang, signifying the end of lunch. “Well, I guess I’d better get to che-myth-stry,” she said, “Thank you for this talk guys, really. It was nice.” Blondie picked up her backpack, stood for a moment smiling gently at the three Wonderland girls, and then swept off across the cafeteria. 

**[Monday, 11:45 am]**

**The ‘End The Pining’ Project**

BicuriouserAndBicuriouser: We did it! We did it! Lo hicimos! We did it! 

QueenOfUrHearts: Maddie is doing a little dance in the middle of the Castleteria. 

WhatsNewPussycat: it’s pretty cute, actually 

GayestOfThemAll: I take this to mean that you got the recording of Blondie?

WhatsNewPussycat: yep. she got all misty-eyed and sad and everything, it was kinda sickly sweet

QueenOfUrHearts: I’ll send you the recording, Apple. 

BriarBooty: look at us

BriarBooty: making progress

BriarBooty: getting some gays together

WickedBitchOfTheEast: you haven’t done anything yet briar 

BriarBooty: i deserve credit for my excellent moral support 

WickedBitchOfTheEast: youve been asleep like this whole time

TheRealPrinceCharming: i think her snoring is very supportive, actually 

BriarBooty: apppplleee im being bullied 

GayestOfThemAll: Nobody bully Briar. 

WickedBitchOfTheEast: boooooo 

WickedBitchOfTheEast: thats a dumb rule

TheRealPrinceCharming: if you learned nicer ways to flirt this wouldn’t be an issue

WickedBitchOfTheEast: yeet time to go 

WickedBitchOfTheEast: i have super important uh...general villany homework to get to

BriarBooty: wait what 

**[Monday, 12:01 pm]**

**TheRealPrinceCharming > GayestOfThemAll**

TheRealPrinceCharming: do you think we can expand this plan and get faybelle and briar to kiss before the end of the week? 

GayestOfThemAll: I’ll add a new column to the spreadsheet

TheRealPrinceCharming: you made a spreadsheet?!

TheRealPrinceCharming: fuck i’m in love with you 

GayestOfThemAll: <3


End file.
